Life + Sin City

5.15.13

I’m going through a tough time right now…and I am mostly doing this post to record the date of when I start to feel like this and to see if there is any correlation on how often it occurs.

Working out

I like how I am at work today watching people exercise on Youtube….

I just think its funny, but the point is to find videos that I can do at home. I am pretty proud of myself, so far this week I have done:

Sunday: 60 mins of Hot Pilates

Monday: Ran/Walked 5k

Tuesday: 60 mins of hot Yoga

Wednesday: 30 mins of elliptical

Thursday: 60 mins of Hot Pilates

I’m debating if I want today to be a rest day, or if I should just do something! I realize that I need to add weights to my routine, but I don’t know where to start or what to do.

Weight Watchers and me…

Welp Weight Watchers, you win again.

This past Sunday I signed up for WW online for 3 months. I tried for about a year to lose some weight by exercising…and that’s about it. My problem is that I can’t keep food out of my mouth, or keep normal portions!!!

I lost around 50-55lbs in 2008 on weight watchers, crazy huh! I did it on my own too, learned the program and had enough discipline to write down everything I ate on paper. It took a whole year.

So why am I struggling now?

I’ve gained around 20lbs since my lowest weight, I feel dreadful and I think I look even worse.

So here we go, so far so good, this week has been positive and I have kept my eating in check. Also been working out everyday this week. I am anxious to see what the scale says on Sunday…but I know this isn’t a quick fix…I need to change my eating habits FOR GOOD.

Wish me luck.

Tee-hee!

Looking at swimming suits on ebay from Korea and China.

Watching my youtube guru’s put on makeup.

Chatting with Roxy.

Texting.

Tumblr.

Looking up juicing recipes.

All in a days work!!!

I think summer is here, 92 degree’s today in Vegas. I was telling Roxy how I feel left out because I see all the pics of all the pool parties in Vegas. Sure, I can go, would I feel comfortable? no.

I hope they all soak up eachothers awesomeness.

Ahhhh CHOOOOOO

I have kleenex all over my desk.

I am not crying.

I am battling this allergy attack that has been underway for the past 3 days!!!! Ugh! Las Vegas has been so windy and rediculous lately. Who has allergies in the desert???

I have some friends in town from Denver, I am hoping they will go to Hot and Juicy Crawfish with me tonight so I can finally breathe!!!!! (with the spicy sauce…arrriba!)

My face…pretty much everday.

Undergrads annoy me.

Move on…without me.

At lunch….

“Oh I got some good news, well good news for me and not so much for you”

Me: “oh?”

“Yeah my work said that they were going to put me on contract work so I will be traveling a lot for weeks at a time.”

Me: “Oh that’s good!” (pretending like I don’t care)

…why is it only bad news for me? and why don’t you feel somewhat bummed too? *sigh* Will this just end already?

I’m back…!

Hello,

I am not sure how many of you follow me (still) out there…but I definitely took a tumblr hiatus…while my life crumbled apart.

I’d like to stay that life is better since then, but it is the same old.

Since my last post:

I started a new job.

Been diagnosed with an incurable disease. I will live.

Met with a therapist that helped me get out of a dark hole.

Spoke to a psychic found out someone put a curse on me, in which I did cleansing bath to release whatever was on me.

Have not lost any weight.

Been a little more anti-social.

Parents been fighting a little more and are probably going to divorce.

Oh yeah, Happy Holidays!

Sorry for the emo/depressing post…but I had to get this out of me and where else than to the world of tumblr?

Is there more to life????

I ask myself this question on a daily basis. Is there more? What am I missing? Why do I feel so unfulfilled? and so lonely!

I have a lot going on for me, I have my masters, I work full-time, I teach a college course, I own a side business….and still, I feel unfulfilled. I live Las Vegas for God-sakes, the capital of entertainment…you think I would be going out every night and having the time of my life. But often I find myself reflecting on my life and I almost always end up crying. Is it just me? I feel bad for myself ALL THE TIME.

I think these last couple of years the pressures of finding “the one” and getting engaged and married is overwhelming me. I haven’t found the one, hell, I can’t even find a guy who will stick around 6 months and it dumbfounds me. I’ve really made an attempt to watch myself and see what I do with the opposite sex, but nothing works. I guess the weekly reminders of “so and so are engaged” on facebook DO NOT HELP.

I know, I know, “you got to love yourself before someone can love you”…and I really have been trying!

So to my other point, do I have depression in general? or do I have depression because I feel like I’m not keeping up with society? Or do I get self-inflicted depression with all my negative nancy thoughts? if there is such a thing.

My mom struggles with depression and my dad’s side has mental illness. So chances are that something is wrong with me. I mean, I get out of bed every day and get ready and have productive days. But I often find myself crying in my car and at work with my door shut.

Well I know this is the tip of iceberg for my personal problems…but hey, this post kept me from crying at work for 20 mins.

Btw, why is tumblr sucking and not letting me scroll up on my text post? WAHHHH