Interesting morning.

This was a message I got on facebook from my first boyfriend ever. I graduated college, moved back to Denver and met him. We had fun for the time, but I was really inexperienced when it came to dating, so I put up with a lot back then.

To this day I realize that he was all sorts of wrong for me. He was addicted to smoking MJ, never wanted to do anything, a TV and p0rn addict, was obsessed with sending me pics of his junk, never clipped his toenails so they looked like talons, and possibly has the smallest wenis I’ve seen (I’m serious, not even trying to be mean here).

I stuck around for months and met his parents and was all about it. He took my virginity and I think that’s why I felt this bond with him. Then he started getting super shitty, I found out that he was dating someone else (I should thank her) and he was throwing it in my face. He would text me trying to get me to come over to his place to hook up with him, etc. We had a pretty big falling out towards the end and we split ways.

He has a kid now with the girl he was throwing in my face, but for the most part his life looks the same as it has since we stopped talking in 2009/2010. I am grateful for where I am right now and know that I had to go through that to be where I am.

Omg, what if it did work out?????? I would have lived with the microsize penis for years!!!!! Also, I have no memories of watching The Hangover with him at his parents cabin…I am pretty sure we stopped talking before that movie came out. Fail.

I’m glad that he did confirm how awesome I am though (even back then), that makes me feel good.

Confession.

I kissed 3 guys in the past 24 hours without sexy times……that’s a personal best.

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No water rings please…

So, I went on a date a couple of weeks ago with an Armenian divorced man. His profile said 5’6 and since I do not have a problem dating shorter guys, it is really not a big issue with me (I am 5’5) Roxy would rather die than date a short guy. Ok, so he really was like 5’3-5’4, definitely shorter than me. I already feel like the man in the scenario because I am bigger than him. And I have to tilt my head DOWN when we kiss. omg, kill me.

So we went out to eat, had great convo, went back to his place, watched a movie, kissed. He kept saying that he was so happy that I sent him a message on there, etc etc etc. I spent the night, with my contacts in and make up on (I HATE doing this) and then again saw him on Sunday and hung out.

So…..his house is under construction. He is having workers putting in hardwood floors, so everything is dirty and displaced—at least I am giving him that excuse. He has half drinken waterbottles everwhere and just shit all over.

Actually- his place is disgusting. He told me to use the guest bathroom…the guest bathrooms toilet was growing a beard. I had no options, I had to use that bathroom. I would be so embarrassed if someone had to use MY bathroom and it looked like that.

Anyways- we hang out again this past Wednesday. We got take out and watched a movie at his place. Btw, I think its WAAAAAY too early in our “dating” to be not going out and just watching movies at his place. So he was cleaning off the coffee table that had shoes on it, dust, a papertowl roll, a cereal box that was STUCK to the table and other random shit.

I had a to-go drink and I put it on the side table…half way through the movie he asked, ”oh, is that drink on a coaster?”

Then got me a coaster for my drink.

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Response…

foreverawaitingthesunrise said: Dating is stressful, but I think you’re overreacting and letting the insecurities build. Stop letting these guys who don’t like you determine your worth… If he doesn’t like you, someone else will. After all do you like every person you meet?

 

You’re right, I might be overreacting. I just don’t know what to do to stop reacting this way and taking things SO personal. I just want to be liked and as soon as I realize that not everyone is going to like me, the better off I’ll be. I am not sure why I place my value/worth on someone who I have known for a week. It’s hard to not come down on yourself when these guys talk to you, compliment you, then you meet and its crickets. I feel like the common theme is me. So what’s wrong with me? Sometimes I don’t like these guys, but I am not a bitch and cut them off. I just don’t understand that.

Thanks for the tough love xoxo.

I’m really not ready for dating…

And I don’t think I will ever be.

For the following reasons:

  • It makes me depressed
  • It makes me self-conscious
  • It makes me doubt myself
  • It makes me feel like I am not important
  • It makes me feel like all my life success amount to nothing
  • It makes me feel like my self-worth is dependent on how a guy reacts to me.
  • Everytime I text a boy after we meet and I feel like they are not going to text back it gives me that “I’m going to throw up” feeling in my stomach.

I feel sorry for Roxy because she has to listen to all my freakouts. I’m not ready for this.

I called my therapist to make an appointment about why I react like this. This isn’t normal!

Am I the only one?

Internet Damage…

I was already feeling down yesterday, but I wanted to pour salt on the wound so I looked up ex’s and saw that they were happy with their new girlfriends. Shitty guys who do not deserve anyone.

I cried all last night and today I am still sad, why do I do this to myself?

What are you? a Demon?

Friday night: Date was great, we had fun eating sushi, he beat me at mini golf, made me give him a kiss on his cheek since I lost, bought me flowers and went home.

Saturday: Heard from him minimally (we all know what that means). I texted him that night to see if he was alive, he responded, asked me if I had fun on the date and he then proceeded to put his foot in his mouth.

He essentially accused me of having old pictures on my pof account, beating around the bush —we all know where he is going here. For the record, my pictures on my account are accurate, I have not gained or lost weight since those pics were posted. I asked him if he had a problem with my weight. He said that he thought I was going to be as “active” as him. Mind you, I work out 3-5 times a week, I do 5k’s, I practice hot pilates/yoga, so stfu. But he said that he wants to be friends. I politely declined his offer of being friends and wish him lucked on finding an athletic girl.

He proceeded to text me that he didn’t mean it like that and that it came out wrong and I am a great girl, blah blah blah. I was over it. I mean, you don’t text stuff like that to be nice, right?

So I deleted his number and moved on. Ok, I cried a little in my car.

Sunday: His number has been deleted for 15 hours and he proceeds to call me and text me apologizing. Saying how he had fun on his date and that he finds me attractive and would he hook up with me “yes!” but he doesn’t think anything long term.

Hold up.

I said, “so you would hook up with me, but nothing long term? wow, you have a way with your words.” Insert his foot in his mouth again. More apologies later…I told him that he is embarrassing himself and he needs to stop.

He still asked if we could be friends. Sure, I’ll just never text you or want to hang out with you. I doubt you wouldnt want to be seen with a non-athletic girl anyways.

Da fak???????

(I took this pic Saturday night (on the left)- Am I the heffa he makes me out to be?!?)

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I’m not sure I’m ready…

So I got a reminder from Groupon today about my match.com groupon is expiring in a couple of weeks.

I’m not sure I’m ready to make a profile and get on there. The past couple of weeks I have dabbled on pof just to see who was out there. I got the typical responses from guys, I met two guys (who I didn’t care for) but I thought I needed to sharpen my dating skills. I’m talking to a couple of other guys, who I have yet to meet. However, I’m not excited about any of them.

Am I that jaded? already?

The guys who I am talking to keep asking to meet and I keep telling them I am busy, which is true. But if I really wanted to see them, I would see them, right?

I think its because I am still pissed off at the last dude with no closure. Sometime when I drive I get so mad at the situation and it bothers me so much. I know this doesnt serve me at all, but I’m trying to get over the hurt.

Also, I have this sick obsession that a guy that I dated last year is going to come around and we’re going to date again (since we exchanged a couple of texts recently). I’m nuts.

Wednesday

You asked me why I never took any ex’s to meet my parents? This Wednesday you reaffirmed why I never do.

You said that you were respectful. This Wednesday you made yourself a hypocrite.

You said that you are working so much and that you do not have time for a serious relationship. This Wednesday you made yourself a liar.

…who the fuck are you? I’m not sticking around to find out.

This Wednesday I took about 10 steps backwards on trying to find happiness and I’ve lost a little more trust in men. I mean boys. Thanks.

I blame the Super Moon

So since this past weekend, men from the past are coming out.

  • A guy who lives in Reno is texting me everyday-without really any texts for half a year- after meeting him last year in Las Vegas…..and he has a girlfriend?
  • A guy who I met in Austin like 3 years ago said that he would move to Las Vegas for me….without visiting first.
  • I got a random text from a number I didn’t know (ok, I kind of had an idea) from this pervert who I went to high school with (who also has a girlfriend) requesting me to send him pics.
  • Received a message ON YAHOO IM from a guy who I randomly talk to- but never met- his last message, “you should lay in bed with me naked”
  • And now, just received a friend request on FB from a guy in Denver who goes YEARS without talking to me…then tries to jump in the mix again…..he’s probably coming to Vegas soon.

They are all coming out of the woodwork….

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