I am not sure how many of you follow me (still) out there…but I definitely took a tumblr hiatus…while my life crumbled apart.
I’d like to stay that life is better since then, but it is the same old.
Since my last post:
I started a new job.
Been diagnosed with an incurable disease. I will live.
Met with a therapist that helped me get out of a dark hole.
Spoke to a psychic found out someone put a curse on me, in which I did cleansing bath to release whatever was on me.
Have not lost any weight.
Been a little more anti-social.
Parents been fighting a little more and are probably going to divorce.
Oh yeah, Happy Holidays!
Sorry for the emo/depressing post…but I had to get this out of me and where else than to the world of tumblr?
Is there more to life????
I ask myself this question on a daily basis. Is there more? What am I missing? Why do I feel so unfulfilled? and so lonely!
I have a lot going on for me, I have my masters, I work full-time, I teach a college course, I own a side business….and still, I feel unfulfilled. I live Las Vegas for God-sakes, the capital of entertainment…you think I would be going out every night and having the time of my life. But often I find myself reflecting on my life and I almost always end up crying. Is it just me? I feel bad for myself ALL THE TIME.
I think these last couple of years the pressures of finding “the one” and getting engaged and married is overwhelming me. I haven’t found the one, hell, I can’t even find a guy who will stick around 6 months and it dumbfounds me. I’ve really made an attempt to watch myself and see what I do with the opposite sex, but nothing works. I guess the weekly reminders of “so and so are engaged” on facebook DO NOT HELP.
I know, I know, “you got to love yourself before someone can love you”…and I really have been trying!
So to my other point, do I have depression in general? or do I have depression because I feel like I’m not keeping up with society? Or do I get self-inflicted depression with all my negative nancy thoughts? if there is such a thing.
My mom struggles with depression and my dad’s side has mental illness. So chances are that something is wrong with me. I mean, I get out of bed every day and get ready and have productive days. But I often find myself crying in my car and at work with my door shut.
Well I know this is the tip of iceberg for my personal problems…but hey, this post kept me from crying at work for 20 mins.
Btw, why is tumblr sucking and not letting me scroll up on my text post? WAHHHH